


another day we rise again

by spacebeyonce



Series: we're up all night to get sora [2]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Canon Compliant, Multi, POV Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Post-Canon, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, Recovery, Temporary Character Death, We're Up All Night To Get Sora, so you just came back from the dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 15:43:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20491253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacebeyonce/pseuds/spacebeyonce
Summary: sora, finally awake





	another day we rise again

**Author's Note:**

> SURPRISE BITCH, HAPPY LABOR DAY
> 
> I'm back, but only for a moment!
> 
> demon muse came a rap-tap-tapping on my chamber door to write this shit, so thank god it's labor day weekend and the school is closed today. gave me enough time to crank this out.
> 
> before reading this: just know that this is the bit that takes place in chapter 10 of my fic you know where to find me (and i know where to find you). so make sure you read that first to get the whole experience!
> 
> and if you've already read it then go on ahead and enjoy.
> 
> title is a lyric from the song clover by KAMAUU. he's great, listen to his stuff.
> 
> as usual: unbeta'd, everything has been edited by me.

Sora heard singing.

It was soft, just on the edges of his senses, but it slowly gained strength, and he listened to it dreamily. The song was so _familiar_ – the voice that was singing it was familiar, too; low and soft and comforting, and it made Sora relax even more, calming an aching homesickness that’s plagued him for days and days and days.

The song was in a completely different language, but Sora understood it all, knew every word by heart, ever since he was four and would climb into his parents’ bed after a nightmare, or during a bad storm.

This was his mother’s song. This was his mother’s voice.

Fingers brushed his bangs away from his face, and a soft thumb brushed over his cheek before running through his hair, the rings on her finger catching slightly in the strands. _This is such a nice dream_, Sora thought happily, leaning into his mother’s touch as best as he could.

He felt so _tired_, weighed down all over, and his heart _ached_, felt like a stone in his chest, pushing him down into the bed. He felt like he’d barely moved at all, but his gentle nudge into his mother’s hand was enough to bring her singing to an abrupt halt, a soft gasp catching in her throat.

“…Sora?” she finally asked hesitantly, “are you – are you finally waking up? Sora, it’s me – it’s mom.”

He wanted to smile at this dream, wanted to laugh and say _mama,_ scolding, _as if I’d ever forget you. _But he was just so tired. Either way, this is one of the nicest dreams he’s had since he’s ended up….wherever. Much nicer than just floating in some empty, his heart in pieces.

Sora was content to stay here in this dream, wrapped up in his mother’s care and her warmth and her voice, but that content shattered to pieces once he heard her sniff wetly.

Crying.

His mother was _crying_.

She was trying to keep it together, and Sora felt his heavy heart sink into his toes at her shaky voice, trying to hold it together. “Please, you – you’ve been asleep for so long. You’ve been gone for _so long_, Sora, just –”

Her shaky hand brushed his bangs away from his face once again, moved to cup his cheek in her palm. “Just…please. Please be alright. Please wake up. There’s so much to tell you.”

Her voice broke in the middle of her sentence, and Sora wanted to cry with her as she dissolved into tears. All at once, fiercely, he just wanted to see her, wanted to see his mother after not being able to for so long, and slowly, hesitantly, Sora opened his eyes.

The sunlight streaming into his room blinded him for a moment, and after taking some time to blink rapidly, adjusting to the light, the world came into focus. He was in his room, tucked into his bed, the curtains open and billowing slightly from the warm breeze blowing in. Sora could feel it, the warm brush of air on his cheeks, and smell the salt in the air from the ocean nearby, and he marveled in it, almost falling back asleep from the comfort it brought before he remembered the task at hand.

Slowly, Sora pulled his eyes away from the hypnotic blue skies and fluffy clouds and looked up at his mother for the first time in almost a year.

She didn’t notice his movements, sitting at his side and crying quietly into her palm, clutching at his left hand. She looked the same, but a little different, in some places – more tired, softer. Her black hair tumbled in waves over her shaking shoulders, and her dark skin was ruddy from her tears.

Sora couldn’t bear to watch her cry, not for another second, and with all the strength he could muster, he gently squeezed her hand.

The sounds of quiet crying stopped short, and his mother jerked her head up in shock, eyes red rimmed and wide as she looked at him, wearing his face.

No, he corrected himself, he was wearing _her_ face – he looked like _her, _not the other way around, and after everything, that made something in him loosen up, a tense knot quietly easing away.

Licking his dry lips, Sora gathered his strength once again, and squeezed her hand once more, lips curling up in a weak smile. “Mom,” he finally croaked out, and fresh tears spilled down Jun’s cheeks.

“Sora,” she choked out, her face crumpling even further in her relief, and she curled inward, leaning in until her forehead was pressed against his chest. “Sora – you’re here. You’re –”

She sobbed, and her tears dripped onto his aching heart. “My baby, _my baby_…you’re _here_…thank goodness. Thank _goodness_.”

Dream or not, Sora couldn’t bear his mother’s tears, and he weakly raised his right hand to place a hand on her back. “Mama,” he said faintly, the lump in his throat choking him, “mama, don’t cry. I’m –”

He caught sight of the palm of his right hand, and he froze, still poised to reach out to comfort his mother.

Square palm, long fingers, the same brown skin as his parents – the way it’s always been. But it was _bare_.

The numbers were gone. The countdown was gone.

It dawned on him, slow, and Sora took in his empty hand. The blue skies and fluffy clouds. The warm winds and the scent of the ocean. The warm, heavy weight of his mother and her tears.

His heavy, aching heart, beating strongly in his chest – newly whole and tender.

This wasn’t a dream – he was here, _really_ here, in his home, tucked safe in his bed. He was home.

He was _home._

His throat squeezed shut, and the world around him quickly blurred over with tears, large droplets quickly clinging to his lashes.

“Mama –”

“Where did you _go_?” she moaned, a low, mournful wail, “we – your father and I, we – we never got to tell you – we looked _everywhere_ for you, I –”

“Junie? Is everything okay?”

Sora’s tears increased at the sound of his father’s voice drifting up the stairs, raised with concern, and his mother pushed herself upright, still weeping. “Aouli,” she called, “come here – it’s Sora, he –”

She didn’t even finish her sentence before pounding footsteps raced towards them, and then his father was there, bursting through the doorway, blue eyes wide as he adjusted his grip on the _baby_ cradled in his arm.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, frantic, “is Sora okay, is he -?”

He stopped short, his face going blank as he took Sora in, hand still raised to reach for his mother, and when their eyes connected, his face broke open. “Sora,” his father whispered hoarsely, staggering across the room and sinking on the floor next to the bed. “Sora, you – I –”

His father reached out with a shaky hand, and cupped Sora’s face in his warm palm. Sweeping his thumb across his cheek, Aouli exhaled harshly as tears spilled down his face. “We were _so worried_.” He choked out, “we – where have you _been_? We thought – we thought –”

He shook his head, unable to speak through his tears, and Sora was crying in earnest now, struggling to sit up so he could take his parents in. “Mama,” he sobbed, huffing as he sat up on shaky arms, Jun reaching out to assist, “dad, I – I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I –”

A loud squawk cut him off, and Sora jerked his head over to the source of the noise in surprise, connecting with two big blue eyes that stared out at him.

Sora took in the baby, her soft tufts of brown hair and round, chubby cheeks, and then looked at his parents in confusion. Jun sniffled, wiping at her eyes, “this is what I wanted to tell you,” she admitted. “I – we wanted to let you know when we found out, at the beginning of the year, but –”

“We could never get a moment with you,” his father continued, “you kept slipping away from us. And then – you just weren’t there at all.”

Aouli fell silent, tears still dripping off his chin, and Jun moved, scooting around to Sora’s right side. “Do you want to meet her?” she asked, holding her arms out for the baby. Sora closed his eyes, considering, and after a moment, he nodded, hesitantly.

Aouli passed the baby over into Jun’s arms, heaving himself up onto the bed to occupy the space that Jun left, and once his hands were free, he wrapped his arms around Sora and pulled him in close. Burying his nose in his salt crusted hair, Aouli let out a soft, shaky breath, pressing a fierce kiss against Sora’s temple before sitting back, running a hand through his short brown hair and making it more unkempt.

A warm weight against his arms pulled his attention away from his father, and Sora leaned into his mother as she helped hold the baby in the weak cradle of his arms. “Sora,” she said, hushed, “this is your baby sister. Nalani, this is your big brother, Sora.”

Sora was silent as he took her in, but his eyes sparkled as he looked her over, huffing out a laugh when her chubby legs flailed out, kicking at the air. “Hi,” he finally said, hoarse, “I’m your big brother. I’m sorry I’ve been gone for so long, I – something happened. I didn’t mean to. But I’m back, now. Can you forgive me?”

He wasn’t just asking Nalani that, but he couldn’t bear to look up at his parents, reaching up to stroke a finger across Nalani’s soft cheek, and he laughed lightly in surprise when two of his fingers got caught in Nalani’s tiny fist. “I guess that means you like me!”

Wrapped up in his sister’s strong grip, Sora found the courage to look up at his parents, eyes brimming with fresh tears. “Can you forgive me?” he asked again, his voice small, and he was quickly scooped up into his parents’ warmth.

His muscles relaxed with his relief, and he kept a careful hold on his sister as he turned his head, pressing his face into his father’s shoulder and letting his shirt soak up his tears.

He was really, really _home_.

-o-

For the next few days, Sora recovered.

By the second day, he was already out of his mind _bored_ of staying in his room, no matter how much he missed it, and after wheedling to his parents, he slowly made his way downstairs to their living room.

Sure, it tired him out to the point that he had to nap once he made it to the couch, but it was a good start on getting his strength back after being dead and then only _kind of_ dead for almost a year. He had to start somewhere!

So he moved around the house, _slowly_, and took walks outside with his mom, and he _ate_. When his grandma came over, on the third day since he woke up, Sora _immediately_ began to cry from seeing her; but after he had her _cooking_ – fish curry with fluffy white rice, warm, flaky biscuits, _strawberry-mango cobbler_ – he was weeping in earnest.

He didn’t realize how _hungry_ he was – hungry for food, for family, for home – until it was all laid out before him, within his reach after so many days without, and Sora made sure to have his fill.

And as he ate, and slept, and regained his strength, Sora also got to know his little sister.

Nalani was _awesome; _she was still only a few months old, but Sora could already tell that she was pretty cool and would only get cooler. It took a couple of days for her to warm up to him, which, fair – but after they got over that hurdle, they were inseparable, and Jun would always see Sora walking around with his sister in his arms or sprawled with her on the floor during tummy time.

They would nap on the couch together, Nalani’s tiny body bundled up on Sora’s chest, her itty-bitty fingers curled up into his shirt, and Sora would have some of the best sleep he’s had in weeks.

Once Sora was strong enough to really leave the house, he took Nalani to the beach.

It led him here, shoes kicked off and stroller abandoned, Nalani in his arms as he stood in the surf, eyes stuck on the horizon but his mind very far away. He relished in everything around him, dug his toes into the wet sand and sighed at the cool lap of the ocean in contrast with the burn of the sun on his shoulders. It reminded him, all of it, that this was real. He made it home.

He had eaten his fill, surrounded himself with home and family and safety, but hunger still gnawed at his gut, a yawning, aching yearning begging him to sate it.

Sora hasn’t seen a hint of Kairi or Riku since he awoke, and it was unbearable.

He knew they were here – he could _feel them_, the lightest of touches on his senses, but he hasn’t seen them at all. Not even when he went on his walks. And they haven’t stopped by the house, not _once_.

Did they know he was awake? Were they avoiding him?

The first option was more likely, more _logical_ – just because they were so connected doesn’t mean they would just _know_ when he was up and about. But just the idea that the second option might be possible…it made his chest ache.

Sora wanted to see them so _badly_; all he’s had to sustain him were dreams and memories, hopes and wishes and longings. He wants to see them with his own eyes and touch them and hold them and keep them close when it’s _not_ a dream and know that they missed him just as much as he missed them. And he knows they did, he _knows, _with all his heart – they went through so much just to bring him back.

Even as surrounded by his family as he’s been, he still feels horribly lonely without them.

Sora was tugged away from the melancholy path his thoughts were meandering down by Nalani, who decided that it was a perfect time to stuff the strap of his tank top into her mouth and gnaw on it.

“No, no!” He chuckled, pulling the damp fabric out of her mouth, “that’s gross, don’t chew on that!”

Robbed of her prize, Nalani reached out, batting at his chin with her pudgy hand, and Sora laughed, quickly catching her tiny hand in his own. He mimed eating her fingers, making the appropriate ‘nom nom nom’ noises until she screamed with happiness, which made him laugh a little more, too.

He felt a tingle at the back of his neck, like he was being watched, but he paid it no mind, assuming it was one of the many islanders hearing of his return. Gossip moves so _fast_ around here. Sora hitched Nalani further up into his grasp, and he laughed again when she started to gnaw on her fist, shoving her face into his shoulder and wiggling close in an earnest full body hug.

Sora felt his heart swell up a million times its size at the gesture, and he loved his sister _so much_ already – loved her big blue eyes with the flecks of brown in them and her chubby face, the way she was so funny already, and how she shined so brightly, so full of light.

He held her close, burying his face in her soft hair and taking in the warm baby smell of her, and marveled at how unbelievably lucky he was, that he got the chance to meet her.

The tingling at the back of his neck increased, just for a moment, but when Sora finally looked up to see who was staring at him, he was alone.

It didn’t unnerve him, but Sora frowned nonetheless, curious at who it could’ve been. He knew staring out at the empty stretch of beach wouldn’t make the answers come faster, so Sora let it go, making his way out of the water to scoop up his shoes, jiggling Nalani in his arms again until she screamed with laughter as they walked back to the stroller.

It wasn’t late, by any means, but Sora was beginning to tire, still not completely recovered, and he was starting to get hungry. He was still a little bummed that he hadn’t seen Riku or Kairi yet, but he was _home_ now – he’ll get a million chances.

The weight in his chest lessened at that reminder, and Sora happily made his way home, quietly singing to Nalani under his breath.

-o-

Beams of sunlight cut across Sora’s eyes, and he wrinkled his nose and rolled away from his window and began to groggily drag himself out of his dreams.

It was hard – they were all he had to sustain him, for a while, stuck in a sleep he couldn’t get out of, wrapped up in dream after dream after dream. He goes back to them, sometimes, when he sleeps – those moments where he used all the strength he had left to just reach out, to connect to someone for just a moment.

When he sleeps, the world is a little fuzzy at the edges, and he’s back there – on that paopu tree with Kairi and Riku, the three of them pressed as close as they could get as they stared at the sunset. At the top of a clock tower with Roxas, trying to check on him with the time he was given.

Talking quietly with Ventus as they sat side by side on the shores of Sora’s broken heart.

He dreams of other times, too; Kairi on a stone cliff, running a hand down her back as she slept in a cavern deep beneath the earth. The trials in Shibuya, the hardest thing he ever endured, racing against the clock to win his second chance, crying to see a world that had forgotten him. Those moments just after he used his gifted wild card, the card shattering into fractures of light along with his Keyblade – Riku suddenly appearing, a dream come true. Riku holding his hand, trying to catch him just as he collapsed, his heart fading out - and then he faded, too. 

Sora must take the time, every morning, to drag himself out of those dreams. To stare at his hand and feel the breeze from the window and the sun on his shoulders and remind himself every day: _you’re here. This is real._

Staring at his empty hand, he reaches down into his aching heart and attempts to call forth his Keyblade.

It doesn’t come.

Slowly, Sora closed his eyes and sighed, his hand quietly falling onto his chest. Still not fully recovered, then.

Alright.

Once he’s fully grounded in the fact that _yes_, he’s home, truly, then he rolls out of bed and heads downstairs to start the day.

This is how it’s been, since he’s woken up.

It’s been almost a week, since then, and Sora feels stronger more and more; he spends most of his days out, now, walking around the islands and reacquainting himself with a place he hasn’t been in for so long. Every walk, so far, has brought him to the beach in the end, and Sora was walking along the shore, staring out at the play islands in the distance, when a brush of shadows touched his senses.

He tore away from the play islands, eyes wide, and his hand curled into a fist, wishing he could call on a Keyblade that wouldn’t answer.

Sora stood, tense, as the dark portal quickly coalesced before him, and he took a hesitant step back, ready to run. A body burst from the shadows, and when Sora saw the familiar unkempt blond hair, the tension in his frame left him in a huge sigh, relief making his knees weak as he took Roxas in.

He looked _tired_, dark circles smudged beneath his eyes, but he stood alert, his eyes wide with shock as he stared Sora down.

Sora took Roxas in happily, _so_ glad to finally see him, _really_ see him, after so _long_, and he’d opened his mouth to say something when Roxas moved.

The dark portal closed behind him in a blink, and Roxas was running, sand kicking up behind him as he launched himself at Sora, throwing his arms around him. Sora was lucky that he was able to keep them both upright with the amount of force Roxas slammed into him, and Roxas was heavy and warm, his heartbeat strong against his chest and wholly his own.

“You’re so damn _stupid!!_” Roxas yelled into his ear, wrapping his arms around his neck, and Sora let out a laugh that sounded more like a sob, winding his arms around Roxas’ back and holding him tight.

“Roxas –”

“No!!” He cut him off fiercely, “you’re gonna listen to me. I’m so mad at you!!!”

Roxas pulled back a little, his hands moving to grip Sora’s shoulders, and his heart dropped when he saw his brown eyes red and shining with tears. “I’m so mad at you,” he repeated, “because we finally had time to get to know each other, and be friends, and then you had to up and _die_ on me. I –”

A tear slipped down his cheek, and Roxas swiped at it, furious. “I’m tired of having nothing but sad memories of you!!” He burst out, “every time we’ve seen each other, it’s been awful! Aren’t you tired of that?”

Sora had started tearing up as soon as Roxas started to cry, and the wind cooled the fresh tear tracks on his cheeks. “Of course I’m tired!” Sora sniffled, “but, Roxas, I had to do it, I _had to._ To bring everyone back. To bring _Kairi_ back. So, so we would all be able to be happy together –”

“And then you died.” Roxas bit out, “and we were all miserable. I didn’t see Riku or Kairi for _weeks_, after you vanished. When I did finally see them…”

His expression closed off a little, and he shook his head. “You can’t – you –”

More tears slid down his face, and Roxas clutched at his shoulders a little tighter, giving Sora a small shake. “You don’t get to do that anymore!! You can’t just run headlong into things without us!! If – if you do this again, I’ll _never_ forgive you!”

He looked deadly serious when he declared that. “Kairi and I worked _really hard_ to bring you back. If you throw all our hard work away, I’m going to be _pissed_.”

Sora couldn’t help but laugh weakly, squeezing Roxas around his middle and pulling him back in for another hug. “I promise,” he swore quietly as Roxas grudgingly tucked his chin into his shoulder, hugging him back. “I won’t run off by myself like that anymore. We’ll work together!”

He grinned, even though Roxas couldn’t see it, “y’know, during the war –”

Roxas scoffed, “if you could even call that mess a _war_.”

“– it was – it was really nice to fight _with_ you for once, instead of against you.” Sora squeezed Roxas again, “Roxas, you’re so cool. Did you know that?”

Sora knew Roxas was making that face - shock that quickly melted away into fondness - when his shoulders relaxed, his arms tightening a little more around him.

“You could remind me a few more times.” He mumbled, “hey – since I’m a Keyblade Master now, does that mean I’m even _more_ cool than I already was?”

Sora’s eyes almost bugged out of his head. “You’re a _what_?!” He shouted, cringing in apology when he realized he’d yelled into Roxas’ ear. “Roxas?! A _Keyblade Master?!_”

“I’ve had a busy year.”

He beamed at the news, happiness giving him a small surge of strength to heave Roxas up, spinning him around once. “What the hell are you _doing?!_” Roxas cried out, clutching at his shoulders. “Put me down!! I’m _still _tired from my exam, so I don’t know how _you_ –”

“Roxas, that’s _amazing!!_” Sora crowed, setting him down with only a little stumbling, “a Keyblade Master!!! How?? You have to tell me the story, it’s _got_ to be cool -!!”

Sora’s stomach cut off his words with an audible rumble, and he felt his cheeks heat up with embarrassment, looking away and kicking lightly at the sand. “Maybe….you can tell me the story over lunch?”

Roxas sputtered out a laugh, “okay, okay, I’ll tell you after we get some food. Where do you want to go?”

“Oh, we can just go to my house! My dad cooks and stuff, it’s really good!”

Sora didn’t miss Roxas’ nervous twitching at the thought of meeting his parents – has he not seen them, yet? “Well, I don’t –”

“It’ll be fine!” He smiled, reassuring, “I promise. They’ll love you! And it would be a crime if you got to miss out on any of our home cooking. _Plus, _you have to meet my sister! She’s _so_ cool, even though she’s only, like, a few months –”

“_Okay_.” Roxas sighed, “I’ll meet with your family. And I’ll tell you the story after we get some food. Lead the way.”

Sora _glowed_, and happiness lightened his steps as he grabbed Roxas by the hand and brought him to his home.

-o-

“Sora.”

“Mm?” He hummed groggily, leaning into the hand running through his hair, slowly waking him up. “Wh’ssit?”

“Come on,” his mother said softly, “you fell asleep. Up you get, so you can go to your room. Your friend can have the couch.”

Confused, Sora leaned over the side of the couch and saw Roxas sprawled across the floor next to Nalani’s pallet of blankets, fast asleep, one of her toys still clutched in his hand.

He remembered now – bringing Roxas over and introducing him to his family, having lunch. Sitting in his room and listening, rapt, to Roxas’ retelling of his adventures in the Sleeping Worlds, the times with Kairi and without, ‘ooh’-ing and ‘aah’-ing and crying out in awe when it was appropriate.

The afternoon passing in the blink of an eye as they talked and talked and talked, and suddenly it was dinnertime, his parents calling them down. Sora flopped across the couch, drowsy, nursing a bowl of ice cream while Roxas laid on the floor with Nalani for tummy time, waving her toys around with a small smile to keep her amused.

Sometime during that, Sora fell asleep. And Roxas stayed.

Sora felt kind of touched at that and slid off the couch to help his mother coax Roxas onto the couch, Jun throwing the blanket draped across the back of the couch over Roxas once he was settled, face buried into one of the pillows.

_He must be really tired_, Sora thought to himself as he watched Roxas sleep on. _That didn’t wake him up at all._

Roxas’ words from earlier echoed across his mind: _Kairi and I worked really hard to bring you back._ Sora frowned, concerned; Roxas was still so tired from his journey….he hoped that Kairi was doing alright.

A gentle touch to the back of his head brought him back to earth, and he looked down to take in his mother’s smile – he was taller than her, he noticed absently. When did that happen?

“Come on.” Jun’s smile turned mischievous, “your father is putting Nalani to bed – we can have a quick midnight snack before heading up.”

Sora grinned back at her, and soon they were sitting at the table in the kitchen, a cookie a piece between them while they cradled mugs of warm, sweetened milk. Licking the remains of chocolate off his fingers, he took a sip from his mug, inhaling the scent of cinnamon that wafted up to him, and looked up to see his mother staring at him, thoughtful.

“What is it?” Sora raised a hand to his face, “do I have a milk moustache? Don’t lie.”

His mother snorted with laughter, “no, no. You’re fine. I just –”

She cupped her chin in her hand and smiled, eyes sad. “I just still can’t believe you’re home.” Sora’s heart twisted at that, and he scooted his chair closer to his mother, leaning into her side. “I’m sorry, mama.” He said quietly, “I’m not going to disappear again, I promise.”

Jun sighed, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “…I feel like I should apologize to _you_.”

Now _that_ confused him, and Sora leaned back a little, a bewildered wrinkle in his brow. “Apologize? Why?”

His mother huffed out a small, sad laugh, and sat back to look at him, cupping his face in her hand. Her eyes still looked so sad, and Sora never wanted to be the source of her pain ever again.

“…I couldn’t remember anything about you.” She finally said, her voice choked up, “I couldn’t remember that you’d gotten your father’s eyes, but everywhere else you look just like me. I couldn’t remember the day you were born, or watching you grow. I couldn’t remember when you met Riku, and when you met Kairi. I just – forgot. I forgot _everything_.”

A tear slid down her face, and now Sora felt _wretched_. “How could that happen? How could I just forget my own _child_? My baby boy?” Jun sniffled, bringing up her other hand to cradle his face, “Sora, sweetheart, I’m so _sorry –_”

“Mama, no,” he forced out around the lump in his throat, placing his hands over hers and squeezing. “It – it’s not your fault, it’s _not_. I – it’s mine, it happened because of me –”

“I don’t _understand_.” Jun said, distraught. “Kairi said she would tell me why– that she _wanted_ to tell me why. But she couldn’t do it without you. And I just – I just want to know. I want to understand.” She ran her thumbs across Sora’s cheeks, “I _need_ to understand what on earth could be out there that could make me forget _you_.”

The thought of being able to tell his parents the truth, the _whole_ truth, world order be damned, brought a relief so crushing that he felt like bawling. Sora was _so tired_ of crying; he feels like he’s cried more since his awakening than he has in a long, long time. All this emotion had to go _somewhere_, but he held it back as best he could, unshed tears clinging to his lashes.

“I –” his breath hitched, and he tried again, “I think I’d like that. I’ve wanted to tell you and dad for so _long_, I just. I don’t – I don’t want you to have to worry anymore. I don’t want to scare you anymore.”

He squeezed Jun’s hands again and leaned forward until his forehead was pressed against her shoulder. “I’ll talk to Riku and Kairi about it,” he mumbled into the soft cotton of her nightshirt, “and then I’ll tell you everything. I promise.”

“Okay.” She whispered, “whenever you decide. No matter what you do – I trust you.”

They fell silent, and Sora could’ve fallen asleep right there, surrounded by his mother’s warm heart and the familiar smell of her shampoo. “Mama,” he mumbled into her shirt, and she hummed in response, rubbing a soothing hand down his back.

“I love you. I missed you and dad, every single day I was gone.”

Jun didn’t stop rubbing his back, but Sora heard her take a deep, fortifying breath – probably just as tired of crying as he was.

But that emotion had to go somewhere.

“I love you, too, sweetheart. Now come on – let’s go to bed. Our drinks are cold now, anyway.”

-o-

Sora _loved_ the shopping square in Destiny Islands. He’d forgotten how much.

It was just so noisy and _lively_, large stands stocked with produce next to various shops and restaurants. The air rang with voices, friends and families chatting, children screaming in play, vendors hollering and haggling to sell their wares. Sora couldn’t get enough of it.

It’s been almost three weeks, since he’s awoken, and he almost feels completely back to normal, the ache in his chest almost gone and his pace almost back to the stumbling rush it was before.

He still struggles, a bit – still has to take the time in the morning to pull away from dreams, to fully ground himself in the world and know it’s real. He still tries to push his healing heart and summon his Keyblade.

It still won’t come.

But everything’s fine; he still hasn’t seen Riku or Kairi since he’s woken up, still hasn’t seen a hint of them when he walks around the islands, but it’s fine. Even though they’re definitely, definitely avoiding him at this point, it’s fine.

The islands are small – he’ll run into them eventually.

That’s what he’s been telling himself for days, for _weeks_, but it still hasn’t come true. He still returns home at the end of the day, empty handed.

He knows he could just go to their houses and catch them there, he _knows_, but –

A small, scared part of him holds him back, and he just…doesn't. Instead, he walks around the islands. Spends time with his family. Spends time with Roxas, whenever he comes by to visit.

Ignores the aching pit of loneliness in his gut over not seeing the two people he’s wanted to see the most for a year.

Everything’s _fine_.

So he strolls through the shopping market, stopping to buy some fruit at one stand and tea for his father from another, and pauses when movement catches at the corner of his eye. There’s a tingle at the back of his neck, letting him know that he was being watched, and he turned, curious, almost dropping the bags in his hand when he locked onto stricken turquoise eyes.

Riku’s changed, Sora faintly noticed, since the last time he saw him; his hair was longer, now, and he wished he was there when he made _that_ decision, his window for ribbing Riku about his haircut long gone. He was obviously out shopping, a few bags already hooked over his arms, and the t-shirt he was wearing looked so soft, and Sora felt a longing so strong crash over him that he felt like his knees would give out any minute.

One of the people he wanted to see was so close, was _right there_, and Sora felt that small spot of fear in his gut, making him pause. Riku took a hesitant step backwards, which just made the nerves in his stomach _worse_ – he’s going to _leave_, and if Sora lets this chance slip away from him, who knows when he’d be able to see Riku again?

_Be brave. You can do this!_

Steeling himself, Sora gathered his courage and stepped forward.

“Riku!” He darted towards him, sidestepping around the crowds, and skipped to a stop when he was just a foot away, his heart beating out a nervous tattoo. Sora paused, unsure of what to say, but he clutched at his courage and dived in. “Hi!” He blurted out, “are you shopping?”

“…yeah,” Riku finally said, and Sora shivered a little at hearing his voice for _real_, for the first time in a _year_. “I’m – my moms needed some stuff for dinner, so I went to get it for them.”

“Oh! Great!” The air was so_ tense_ between them, why was it so tense? “Do you – do you mind if I come along? I can help carry some bags!”

Riku looked a little concerned at that, “you’re probably still recovering, I can’t –”

“No!” Sora shook his head, “I can do it, it’s fine – I’ve felt much better, lately.”

_You would’ve known if you came to see me_, that hurt part of him murmured, petulant, but that wasn’t fair – he could’ve gone to see him any time he wanted, too.

“…If you’re sure,” Riku finally conceded after an awkward silence, tearing his eyes away from him and looking at his feet. “I’ve only got a couple more stops, so – come on.” He sharply turned on his heel and moved into the crowd, and Sora quickly followed him, despairing quietly at the tense set to Riku’s shoulders.

The air between them was so _awkward_, and things have _never_ been so awkward before. Sora wouldn’t give in, though, tailing Riku and filling the space with mindless chatter as he stopped at a few stands, talking kindly to the merchants and making his purchases.

“Ah,” one person crowed as Riku handed a bag to Sora, “good to see the two of you out and about! We were beginning to think something happened.”

Riku gave them a strained smile, saying nothing, and Sora murmured a quick goodbye for him as he turned and walked away, shopping complete.

_Be brave,_ he reminded himself. _Be brave!_

He followed Riku down the usual path to his house, jostling the bags hanging on his right arm, taking care to make sure his bag stayed separated. Riku’s shoulders were so tense at this point that they were almost hunched around his ears, and Sora longed to reach out and touch him, to smooth the tension away with his own hands.

But he didn’t, the kernel of fear in his belly growing stronger the closer they got to Riku’s house. “So,” he said slowly, taking the bags off his arm and handing them to Riku at his silent request, “what are your moms making? Have you seen Kairi lately? And you, are you –”

His words stuck in his throat when Riku slipped into the house and closed the door behind him, and the soft _‘click’_ of the door sounded louder than any crack of thunder.

Sora was stunned – he reeled like he’d been struck, and the ache in his heart grew, heavier and heavier until he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

Did he – were they really avoiding him? Did they not want to see him at all anymore?

Has he messed it up _that _much?

The thought of being so close to them but being _without them_ brought tears to his eyes, and Sora looked down at his feet, his bag of groceries clenched tight in his fist.

“Sora.”

A hand wrapped around his wrist, and Sora jumped, staring up at Riku’s face, his gaze averted to where he was holding him. “Riku –” he choked out, the lump in his throat strangling him, but Riku shook his head, gently tugging him away from the house. “I was just dropping off the bags. Come on,” he muttered, and Sora couldn’t do anything but follow, still reeling from the whiplash of having the door shut in his face.

He didn’t know where they were headed as he followed Riku, one foot after the other, and he came back to himself when he heard the hum of the tide as they stopped near the beach. Riku let him go, stepping away to lean against the trunk of a palm tree, and Sora almost reached out to grab him, wanting to touch him again, but he resisted, placing his bag at his feet and wrapping his arms around his chest, covering up his sore heart.

It was quiet, for a while – neither of them really knowing what to say. But Sora couldn’t bear the quiet anymore, couldn’t take the tension in the air, and he finally spoke.

“Are you mad at me?” He asked in a small voice, keeping his eyes on Riku despite how much he wanted to look away. Riku’s eyes went wide, “no! Sora, of course not, I –”

“Riku, you don’t have to lie.” Sora kicked at the sand, twisting his fingers into his shirt, “we haven’t had to lie to each other for a while, now.”

“I’m not mad.” He denied again, and Sora sighed quietly.

“Riku.”

“I’m not. I –” but his face was blotchy, his voice doing that squeaky thing where he was trying not to cry, and God, Sora loved him. Loved him with all his heart and missed him so much.

“Riku –”

“I never should have let you go alone,” he finally hissed, his eyes narrowed into slits. “We- we should have just used the Power of Waking together. We should have found Kairi _together. _I _never -_how could you just –” He struggled to find the words, and Sora could almost hear how he was grinding his teeth together, his jaw was clenched so tightly.

“I’m so –”

“I know you’re sorry!!” Riku burst out, “I know!! But I’m still so mad at you anyway!! You – you, you always do things so recklessly!! You always run into things headfirst thinking it’s going to be alright in the end and it’s _not!! _It _wasn’t!!!_”

He was really yelling now, tears pooling at the corners of his eyes, and Sora tightened his grip on his shirt, stomping down the urge to wipe the tears away.

“We could’ve done it _together_. You didn’t have to just _leave me!!_ To burn yourself out using the Power of Waking and _die!!_ I tried to believe that you would come back, but nothing is _ever_ that good for us, and I’m sick of you leaving us behind all the time, Sora!!”

“Is that why you didn’t come see me?” He asked in a thin whisper, unblinking, and Riku stopped short as he moved, stepping closer to him. “You and Kairi? I haven’t seen either of you since I woke up.”

“I –”

“I waited for days,” he continued thickly, “days and days and days. It was all I wanted – I just wanted to see you two again, with my own eyes. But you never came.”

One tear slipped down his face, and another, and soon he just couldn’t stop, misery pouring down his face unchecked. “I know I shouldn’t have done it,” he moaned, “I _know_. But I _had_ to, Riku! If I could bring you back, bring you _all_ back so we could win the war – if I could save Kairi – of _course _I would do it. I’ll do it again if I have to –”

“But why does that mean you have to do this alone?!” Riku was crying now, too, angrily swiping at his cheeks, “‘my friends are my power’ – you’re always saying that but then you leave us behind!! You jump ahead of things and go somewhere I can’t follow!!”

Riku roughly combed his fingers through his hair, distraught, and Sora took a few more brave steps, closer and closer, until he was just an arm’s reach away. Sniffling, he reached out, hesitant, and lightly touched Riku’s forearm with the tips of his fingers. It was barely anything, just the lightest brush of contact, but it lit Sora up stronger than any Thunder spell.

At his touch, Riku stilled, and Sora licked his lips, gathering his courage once more. “I’m _sorry_,” he whispered, “I’m…this is real. I’m here. I won’t go anywhere. I’m not disappearing anymore, I _promise._”

Riku was frozen, immobile, and for a second, Sora was afraid that he would just shake him off and walk back home, leaving him behind without saying another word. He inhaled shakily, preparing to say something else, but his words vanished when Riku’s hand snapped out, grabbing him by the wrist and yanking Sora into his arms.

Sora immediately clutched at him, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt to pull him closer, and Riku shoved his face into his shoulder, the tension in the air between them finally snapping as his shoulders dropped in relief. Riku cried into his shoulder, a low, wounded sound, and spread his palms against Sora’s back, soaking in the warmth radiating from his skin.

“Don’t _ever_ do that to us again,” he bawled, “I – I can’t _do_ that again, I can’t!! I lost Kairi, and then as soon as I get her back, I lose _you_.”

Sora was crying again, but there was nothing he could do; all the apologies in the world wouldn’t change what happened.

“I looked _everywhere_ for you,” Riku continued, his distraught voice muffled in Sora’s shoulder, “I looked everywhere, and then somehow I _found_ you, but I couldn’t even hold on to you long enough to bring you home. I – we, we were a _wreck_ without you, Kairi couldn’t even _look_ at me, some days, I –”

Sora released his tight grip on Riku’s shirt, and brought a hand to his hair, running his fingers through the strands. Riku melted in his arms, drooping further into him, and Sora held him steady, continuing to comb through his hair with his fingers.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered again, tears dripping off his chin, “I’ll say it a million times, if I have to. I’m so sorry, Riku.” He placed his other hand against Riku’s cheek, gently coaxing him from his hiding place in Sora’s shoulder until he could get a look at his face. Once he saw him, blotchy and tear-stained, Sora smiled, rubbing a thumb against his tacky cheek as he stared at his beautiful, red rimmed eyes.

“I will never hurt you like that again,” he swore. “You and Kairi. I –” His voice broke, and he didn’t bother to swipe away the fresh tears that came, “I missed you two so _much_. I thought about you every day and dreamed about you just as often. That dream where we sat together on our tree…that was the happiest I’ve felt in ages.”

He smiled again, wide and watery, “I don’t want us to be separated anymore. I’m so tired of the three of us being apart. I won’t leave you anymore, Riku, I promise. I’ll be right here. I’m staying.”

Pulling Riku in a little closer, Sora punctuated that promise with lips pressed to his cheek, softly kissing away his tears, even though they were soon replaced with more. When he pulled back enough to look at Riku, still stroking his cheek, his eyes were impossibly wide, looking at Sora with a hint of disbelief – unsure that he would be able to keep his promise.

That’s okay – he would prove it, over and over, until Riku was able to believe him.

Sora smiled, and between one breath and the next, they were kissing.

If Sora thought just touching Riku lit him up, kissing him just about made his knees give out – _especially_ so since he’s been without kisses _for a whole year_. He thought he would slip out of Riku’s arms and tumble onto the sand with how weak his legs were, but it was fine; Riku was there, his arms strong bands around his waist – he wouldn’t let him fall.

Their kisses were consuming, desperate – Sora could taste the salt of tears on his lips, and he hooked his arms around Riku’s neck, keeping him impossibly close. He could feel that pit of hunger inside him, that aching loneliness, and Sora was determined to have his fill.

Unfortunately, they eventually needed air and had to break apart, but that didn’t stop Sora, pressing kisses to wherever he could reach as they caught their breath. Between each kiss, he promised over and over again:

“I’m staying,” he whispered after pressing a kiss to the curve of Riku’s cheek.

“I’m staying,” he promised into the place where his jaw met his ear.

“I’m not leaving you behind again,” he swore, pressing that promise into the curve of Riku’s bottom lip, and he closed his eyes, fresh tears streaking his face.

Sora huffed, unwinding one arm from around his neck to wipe at his face, trying to stop his tears. “Riku, don’t cry. Everything’s alright now! Are you still mad at me?”

“Yes,” he choked out, “no. A little. I’m just.” Riku cracked a small, tremulous smile, and it was the _best_ thing Sora had ever seen. “I’m just really happy. I missed you. Every day, I missed you.”

Riku was golden in the coming sunset, his hair catching some of the fading light of the day, making him glow, and Sora just _had_ to kiss him again, and again, and then some more.

They could talk more later.

-o-

Days became _infinitely better_ now that he had Riku back at his side; days of aimless wandering around the islands turned into aimless walks with Riku, or going to Riku’s house and finally seeing his moms again, or heading to the play islands and racing, or swimming, or falling into sparring fights with wood swords like they were kids again.

There was also kissing. A lot of kissing. _So_ much kissing that Sora usually ended the day with his lips swollen and tingly, but he didn’t mind that _at all_.

He had _a lot_ of kissing to make up for, anyway.

And now that Riku was with him again, he had one of his best friends back, someone he could talk to and share the burdens and worries that only he would get.

“What if it never comes back?” He whispers the worry into Riku’s collarbone, the two of them lazing on his bed. He heard Riku put the book he was reading aside, and Sora twisted his fingers into the hem of his shirt, worrying. “I’ve called and called. Every day, every morning when I wake up – and my Keyblade still won’t come.”

Riku said nothing, and Sora began to fidget, “what if – what if everything that happened messed me up, somehow? What is my heart is just too broken, now, or – or maybe I’m not worthy enough to be a wielder anymore, or –”

“Sora.”

He snapped his mouth shut as Riku grabbed his hands, untangling his fingers from the hem of his shirt so he could scoot down the bed and see him eye to eye.

“I want you to listen to me,” he said slowly, “and I want you to take these words to heart. This is bonafide Keyblade Master advice. Are you listening?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

“_Yes_, Riku!!”

“Okay. Here it is: you’re being stupid.”

Sora puffed up, affronted, and Riku gently placed a hand over his mouth before any outrage could spill out. “_Listen_. We haven’t really talked about it, but you’ve been through _a lot_. Your heart was put under a lot of strain. It had faded, and then it was broken, and only because we sent Kairi and Roxas to you were you able to put it back together.”

His heart ached at the mention of Kairi, but Sora stayed quiet, knowing Riku wasn’t finished.

“Of _course_ you’re not going to be able to summon your Keyblade right away.” He poked at Sora’s sternum, and then pressed his palm right over his heart, “physically, you’ve pretty much recovered from the ordeal, sure. But your heart – that’s going to need a little more time.”

“You think it will come back?” Sora finally whispered, still unsure, “honestly?”

“I _know_ it will come back. You’ll always be worthy, Sora.”

And honestly, how could he _not_ kiss Riku after that – he still had lots of time to make up, anyway.

Having Riku back with him was wonderful, honestly the _best_, but it just made more obvious the loneliness that remained in his gut, the lack of her presence palpable.

Kairi.

Sora _still_ hasn’t seen her, and he’s honestly tried – he walks across the islands, searching for her, but she’s never there. He’s gathered the courage to _finally_ go to her house, but no matter when he stops by, she’s never home. Sora can always sense her presence in the area, feel traces of her on the beach, in the shopping square, on the trunk of their paopu tree – but he can never find _her_.

It’s nearing a month since he’s awoken, and Sora is _losing his mind._

“She hates me,” he whined as soon as Riku stepped into his room, sprawled across his bed in despair. “She hates me, she doesn’t wanna see me anymore – _Riku_, I haven’t seen our girlfriend in a _month_, I’m _dying_.”

“Be a little more dramatic, why don’t you.”

He looked up at Riku with big, teary eyes as he sat on his bed, and scooched across the distance to rest his head in his lap, sighing when Riku immediately started to mess with his hair.

“_You’ve_ seen her. Can you tell me why? I just want to understand, Riku.”

Riku’s ministrations in his hair paused for a moment as he considered it, and then he resumed pulling his fingers through his hair. “…She is avoiding you.” He finally admitted, and Sora wanted to melt into the floor with distress.

“She does miss you, though,” he continued, “and she wants to see you – she _does_. But…”

He sighed, “Sora, what happened to you hurt all of us, of course - but it hurt Kairi the most.”

It wasn’t anything he already didn’t know, but it brought a stab of pain to his heart all the same. “I know,” he whispered. “But it felt like the right thing to do at the time. I had to do it.”

“I understand.” Riku tugged his hair, gentle, “I don’t _like_ it, and I never will – but I understand where you were coming from. But it messed her up, what happened to you – she wanted you back home, obviously, just as much as we did – but after the exam ended, and you were home…all the stuff from the past year…”

Riku paused, and Sora gripped at his pant leg, silently telling him he was still listening.

“…she’s just feeling a little complicated.” He finished, “But I promise, she thinks of you often. She misses you. You’ll see Kairi soon, just give her time.”

Sora nodded, but said nothing, and eventually, the two of them drifted off into a nap.

He understood, honestly, but Sora was impatient – he wanted to see Kairi _now, _with his own eyes. He wanted to hold her, and talk to her, and apologize over and over until every past hurt was smoothed away.

Sora wanted to erase the memory of the last time he saw her, _really_ saw her, and replace it with newer, happier memories; he wanted her smile, her happiest smile that made her violet eyes sparkle and showed her dimples.

Sora wanted that so much his chest ached with the longing.

But he would listen to Riku’s advice! He would wait – he _could_ wait, already having done a month of it, and a year before that. It’s probably only fair, he admitted to himself, since Kairi had to wait so long for him and Riku – it’s only right that he’d wait for her, too.

He wanted to see her smile again, hear her laugh and bring her nothing but happiness; if he had to wait to make it so, then he would.

Sora would wait as long as he had to. As long as it takes.

-o-

One night, creeping near the end of the month, Sora had a dream.

More of a memory, really.

It was the day that – the day that he – _that _day. It was sunset, and the air was sweet and warm; he could hear the waves pushing back and forth, and on the play islands, he could hear the yells and laughter of everyone as they played.

Just as it should be – they all deserved the peace.

He felt Kairi’s fingers curl beneath his palm, and Sora shifted his hand, wrapping Kairi’s up in his until they were pressed close together. He finally tore his eyes away from the sunset to Kairi and he just – stared at her. Drank as much of her in as he could.

She was beautiful and whole and perfect, her hair fluttering with the slight breeze, no longer shattered into pieces, and if giving all he had to bring her back was the last thing he would do, then he would be glad for it.

Kairi looked tired, but she pulled her eyes away from the sunset and turned to face him as he wrapped her hand in his, squeezing.

Her eyes were so sad, and Sora knew – she knew what was about to happen.

Her breath hitched, and even though a tear slid down her cheek, Kairi tried to give him a smile – her happiest smile. The smile he loved so much and wanted to protect with all his heart.

Sora wanted to hold her. He wanted to kiss her.

But he was so tired. All he could do was smile.

His heart was pounding in his ears, but it was growing fainter, fainter -the world was greying out at the edges, getting darker, and Sora was so _tired_.

Sora wanted to stay. He wanted to hold Kairi, and Riku, and promise them that everything was alright. He wanted –

He wanted –

The world faded into back.

He faded, too.

-o-

Sora jerked awake that morning and he _knew_.

Something in his heart told him, pulled him forward: today. It’s time. _Go. _

He leaped out of bed, bathed and dressed, quickly, and flew down the stairs, sliding into the kitchen to shove food in his face as fast as he could. Sora had a feeling that he would need the energy.

“Well, _someone’s_ awake_,_” his father said, taking in his rushed appearance with wide eyes. “What’s going on today, Sora?”

“Not much!” Flipping open the rice cooker, Sora packed a hefty amount of steaming rice into the bowl he grabbed, hopping to the fridge and opening it with a flourish to pick out what he needed. “I’ve just – there’s something I need to do. Something important.”

One cracked egg and a sprinkle of sesame seeds later, and breakfast was done; he scarfed it down quickly, chasing it with a glass of juice, and zoomed for the door after placing his dishes in the sink, hugging his father goodbye.

“Don’t you even think about leaving this house without brushing your teeth again!”

“Okay!”

And then he was off.

He could always feel traces of Kairi and Riku around the islands when he was recovering, following the hints of light they left behind as he walked to and fro across the beach. He followed that trace now, running around the islands until that light got stronger, and stronger, and the tug in his heart pulled him towards the beach.

Sora tried to follow Riku’s advice, because he was usually right about these things; give Kairi space, and time, and eventually, they would talk.

But something in his heart said that there was enough space. That the right time to see her was _now_.

And Sora was always very good at following his heart.

So he followed the pull impulsively, recklessly, diving headfirst like he always did – but this time, his reckless decision would be _worth_ something.

He sprinted across the beach, kicking up sand behind him as he goes, and his heart slammed into his throat as he spies a familiar head of red hair.

And there she was.

Kairi.

She was standing in the water, staring out at the horizon with thoughtful eyes, her shirt tugged by the breeze. She looked different, since he last saw her – she looked stronger, stood taller, her hair a little longer than before, blowing around her face.

There were new scars he didn’t know about, fading bruises across her arms and legs, and she was the most beautiful person that he had ever seen.

He found her. He finally found her.

And he ran across the sand, following what his heart has been declaring since he awoke: it’s time.

It’s time.

_Go_.

“Kairi!!”

**Author's Note:**

> :)
> 
> thanks again, guys.
> 
> comments and kudos are loved, as usual. I hope you liked it!
> 
> I'm spacebeyonce on tumblr if y'all wanna chill with me there when I'm not in my academic chokehold. now - I've gotta go and finish up some homework lmao. until the next time I have enough free time to write!


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